Monday, October 20, 2008

Won't See You In September

It is fairly pathetic when one's blog becomes about why one hasn't blogged.

Okay, I'll dispense with it summarily: I skipped September.

And most of October.

Look, if I knew how to deal with all my problems easily I wouldn't be blogging them, right? Trying to vomit out on paper all the various and sundry emotions, thoughts, and analyses and picking through the pieces, one by one, to see what my last verbal meal consisted of--- yep, I'm leaving that prep dangling there on purpose, so, nyah.

A close friend died sometime in the night Saturday. On vacation in the Keys. Just laid down and went to sleep, and didn't get up Sunday. That's why I'm back on my blog today. Not to work through the emotions, but because of things unfinished. Her sudden death reminded me of those.

Reminded me of all the times we spent together, and all the times yet to spend we thought we were going to have.

Reminded me of the robust bottles of wine we'd shared over the past several years, and the martinis, and the Southwestern stuffed olives I'll never pull out of her fridge again.

Reminded me of the last overcooked meat patty she fixed me a few weeks ago, which I shouldn't have had but I didn't want to burden her with my raw demands because she seemed so pleased to be barbecuing in her new-found freedom from a relationship...and I am so glad I ate it.

Reminded me of the adorable skirt she was wearing, that the other three of us there coveted, and how I joked with her I'd like her to leave me that in her will. I really didn't want it that bad.

Reminded me of the exercise classes we didn't get to take together after I joined her gym so we could. Reminded me of the walks we were going to take together the past few weeks, but we just didn't manage to synchronize our schedules to do it. Reminded me of the sunsets I'll never get to enjoy with her speedwalking beside me along Bayshore.

Reminded me of all the other projects I've started and left dangling, and I still have time to do something about.

Seems like I'm always doing things in memoriam.

I look forward to the day I just do them, in futuriam.


Ellen said...

Hugs, Babe. You speak my heart.

Anonymous said...

My deepest sympathy for your loss.

Sofia R. said...

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry for your loss. Life truly is so short, all we can do is honor those that have made it worth-while by making it worht-while to others. Live every day as if it's your last because one of those days you'll be right. I'm glad you ate the patty, too. Bless and be blessed!