Hiatuses are Vastly Overrated

I awoke very early yesterday, about 2:30 a.m., and as my consciousness wandered through the melatonin- and serotonin-draped hallways of my mind, it began to compose this comeback post. Of course, I've forgotten most of what occurred to me to say.

I believe it had something to do with some insights gained in the past half-year, about this living-process thing. It's as if the gods took one of those mallets studded with half-diamond shapes used to pulverize cheap meat to make it tolerable to chew, and beat the living doodie out of me. As if.

First off, I don't believe in "the gods"... I am a Believer in the Judeo-Christian God of the Universe. That's just how I roll. Not to make light of it, but it is intrinsic. Secondly, I was sorely in need of something or someone beating the living doodie out of me, I have come to believe. Consequently, with all which has happened in my life the past six months--- though not special and unique--- I feel I've come out a better person. At least a different one.

One thing hasn't changed... my need to upchuck my personal journey through whatever in print. I still have this basic need to connect, and I know most of us do. I like to do it in writing. Well, talking too, but mostly writing, because I cannot go back and edit the words which sometimes escape from my mouth.

INSIGHTS/LESSONS:

1. I hate having people stand over me/tell me what to do/make comments about my life
2. I frequently need people to stand over me/tell me what to do/make comments about my life...dammit
3. I will never recover from the death of my parents
4. Loss of parents is not a valid reason for over-indulging and under-living
5. I can lose a lot of money and get by on far less than I thought, and be pretty happy.
6. I cannot and will not work for crooked, unethical people or companies, even if it means a regular paycheck.
7. No matter what anyone does, says, or consumes around me, I am the one completely responsible for how I react to that.
8. Waiting for others to change is never a good reason to put changes needed in my life on hold.
9. TODAY is always the best time to start changing anything in my life that isn't working for my good, because Magic Monday never comes.
10. In the immortal words of Stevie Nicks, children get older, and I'm getting older, too.
    

NEW PLAN: More structure from a more flexible program......oh, that's still for getting healthy and fit.

Here's what I've done the last couple weeks: finished cleaning out a storeroom of accumulated STUFF from my old houses in New Mexico, and my parents' house in El Paso, which had been in commercial storage for A DECADE; in order to clean out my own flesh storeroom of accumulated STUFF, begun to eat increasingly more raw fruit and vegetables every day, phased out beef and junkfood which I let creep increasingly back in, began drinking more and more water all day, cut down on the frequency of martinis, signed up for Tampa Bay Adventure Boot Camp, am participating until next Sunday in Frederic Patenaude's FallCleanse 2009, and come upon the way I would like to feed my body and build muscle for a while, maybe longer if I do-- one that uses whole, clean foods, and can be tailored for when you're feeling a little vegany, all the way to feeling a little meaty. That would be Jon Benson's EODD, and he has a great toning/musclebuilding program too.

So I continue my eternal quest for returning my body to some vague semblance of what I have come to think of as its former glory. And to shed toxins, poundage, and old rotten pain and resentments in the process. Time to let go of all of that. I am seriously tired of carrying all the extras around.

I didn't seem to make much forward progress in the past six months, but I have begun to ask myself questions about the basic way I think, like, forward? into what? And let the answers to those kinds of questions inform my subsequent actions. So, in the eyes of the world, my hiatus from activity may have seemed "non-productive", but I am feeling a major shift in my thinking and even, yes, "worldview"... that seems to be carrying me in a totally new direction. Perhaps for reflection leading to life-altering changes, hiatuses aren't overrated at all.